Rabbi Guy Tal: A tremor of trepidation

by Rabbi Guy Tal

Then thou shalt see and be radiant, And thy heart shall fear and thrill

אָ֤ז תִּרְאִי֙ וְנָהַ֔רְתְּ וּפָחַ֥ד וְרָחַ֖ב לְבָבֵ֑ךְ

(Edmonton) – The Days of Awe evoke a tremor of trepidation in the heart of every faithful Jew. Beginning with the month of Elul, believers congregate in synagogues; some recite prayers of penitence, while others listen to the sound of the shofar and seek paths to forgiveness and atonement in preparation for the Day of Judgment.

After a month of preparation and soul-searching, the great Day of Judgment arrives. We plead and beseech that the coming year be more favorable than the previous one (this year with even greater devotion than usual), and that G-d nullify all harsh and evil decrees against us. The anxiety and reverence reach their zenith on Yom Kippur, another Day of Judgment. For generations, Jews across the globe have imbued the pages of their prayer books with tears, imploring G-d to show mercy, forgive our sins, and pronounce benevolent verdicts upon us.

The dread of the Day of Judgment manifests in that, unlike other festivals, we do not recite the Hallel prayer on these days, as the Talmud describes (Rosh Hashanah 32), in an imaginary dialogue between the ministering angels and the Holy One, Blessed be He: The angels inquire, “Why does Israel not sing praises before You on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?” And the Holy One, Blessed be He, replies, “Is it conceivable that while the King sits on His throne of judgment and the books of life and death lie open before Him, Israel would engage in song?”

On the other hand, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are also days of rejoicing. Regarding Rosh Hashanah, the book of Nehemiah recounts how Ezra and Nehemiah addressed the people and comforted them on that day:

“And he said to them, ‘Go, eat choice foods and drink sweet beverages, and send portions to those who have nothing prepared, for today is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.'”

Similarly, concerning Yom Kippur, the Mishnah (Taanit 30) states:

“Rabban Simeon ben Gamaliel says, ‘There were never more joyous days  in Israel than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.'”

How do we reconcile this apparent contradiction between awe and fear, and joy and celebration? Is it truly a contradiction? The Talmud Yerushalmi explains (Rosh Hashanah, Chapter 1, Mishnah 5): 

“It is customary in the world that when a person knows he has a judgment, he wears black, wraps himself in black, and grows his hair, for he does not know how his judgment will turn out. But Israel is not so; rather, they wear white, wrap themselves in white, cut their hair, eat, drink, and rejoice, knowing that the Holy One, Blessed be He, will perform miracles for them.” 

Are we truly certain that G-d performs miracles for us? After all, tragedies occur every year, and not everyone is judged favorably, unfortunately. Why, then, are we so confident?

Some wish to interpret that there is a distinction between the individual and collective levels. Individuals may indeed be sentenced, Heaven forbid, to illness, suffering, and pain, but we are certain that as a nation, we will continue to exist, overcome all tribulations and afflictions, and prevail over our enemies and those who seek our harm. The confidence in the nation’s perpetuity fills us with joy, parallel to the anxiety about our individual fate on this Day of Judgment.

It can also be said that the joy is for our personal destiny, even though in human eyes, harsh decrees may sometimes befall us, but in truth, we believe that no evil emanates from the Most High, and that ultimately everything is for the best, even if we do not always understand how. This is analogous to a person who comes to trial and discovers that the judge is his own father. Although he may be punished, he understands that the merciful judge seeks only his welfare. Thus, we are certain that the decrees of our Heavenly Father are for our benefit.

However, there is no real contradiction between the feeling of joy and of dread. Humans are complex creatures capable of harboring conflicting emotions. We are familiar, for example, with love-hate relationships, situations where sadness and joy intermingle, and more. Similarly, the joy of the holy days, for being the chosen people, for our ability to stand before G-d and create connections with Him at the highest level, can mix with apprehensions about the Day of Judgment and the unknown that awaits us in the coming year, may it be for good. This is comparable to a mother who receives her newborn child in her arms for the first time, and infinite joy floods her heart, along with concerns about his fate and his future life.

Thus also does the prophet describe the era of redemption. Isaiah calls to the congregation of Israel (compared to a mother), 

“Arise, shine, for thy light is come, And the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee…” 

The ingathering of the exiles occurs, and multitudes of the children of Israel return to their land from all corners of the world: 

“Lift Up thine eyes roundabout, and see: They all are gathered together, and come to thee; Thy sons come from far, And thy daughters are borne on the side..” 

The congregation of Israel watches her children returning to her, and mixed emotions arise in her heart: 

“Then thou shalt see and be radiant, And thy heart shall fear and thrill” 

– she rejoices to see her children return to her, but is also filled with apprehension about the complex, complicated, and perilous process. What will become of these children who have come from such different places and have grown so distant from one another? How will people with such divergent views get along? And how will they overcome the many enemies who rise up to destroy them – your heart shall fear and thrill.

The era of redemption is a complex and difficult period, fraught with great challenges and hardships. Not infrequently, there is even a sense of despair from the great sufferings that accompany it. We must be vigilant, concerned, and prepared to confront every tribulation and challenge its harbors. But it is also a period full of joy and happiness. The people of Israel return to their land after generations in exile. Israel is independent and strong, fighting its enemies, and despite the painful costs, overcoming them. The Land of Israel is being rebuilt, progressing and developing, serving as an example and model for the entire world.

We pray: “May the year and its curses end, may the year and its blessings begin”. May the coming year upon us be better than the one that has ended, which was so difficult and filled with challenges. May the redemption process of the people of Israel progress and solidify, and may the people of Israel flourish and be established in their land and around the world. May we soon witness the coming of our Messiah and see in our own eyes the complete redemption.”