Nessie Hollander, dor l’dor and giving back to community

by Maxine Fischbein

(AJNews) – Shock and sorrow were felt throughout the Jewish community when Nessie Hollander, a long-serving and much-loved Paperny Family Calgary JCC employee, passed away on May 12, 2025, at the age of 79.

Matriarch to her family as well as her communal family, Nessie began her career at the front desk of the Calgary Jewish Centre. She was the warm and welcoming presence that made the JCC feel like home for deeply rooted Calgarians and transplants alike.

Nessie knew, first-hand, the huge importance of extending a helping hand and an open heart to others, especially newcomers. She, her husband Aubrey and their children Joel, Shelly, Mandy, and Brett, were strangers in a strange land when, in 1977, they immigrated to Canada from South Africa. Nessie and Aubrey, who had sought settle either here or in Australia – wherever they were accepted first – were seeking a more promising future for their children.

Fortunately, they found their way to Calgary.

The move was not an easy one, especially for Nessie and Aubrey, says daughter Shelly Gelfand.

For the record, Aubrey Hollander says that he and Nessie worried more about their children than themselves during the transition, though he vividly recalls the moment that Nessie, overcome with the enormity of the move, sat down on a suitcase at Calgary’s then-tiny airport and had a good cry – a rare event in the life of a can-do woman who, more characteristically, exuded strength at every turn.

The Hollanders came to Calgary knowing only the Alperstein family, close friends from South Africa who had preceded them just six months earlier.

Nessie and Aubrey worked hard and forged relationships with new friends who also became family.

The dor l’dor story of Nessie, Shelly and her daughter, Dr. Jennifer Gelfand, is a heartwarming girl-power family saga. Like Nessie, Shelly and Jennifer continue to broaden the family circle by sharing their unique gifts within the Jewish community and beyond.

True to her name – Ness means miracle in Hebrew – Nessie (née Genessa Ginsburg) accomplished astonishing things due to her forthrightness, friendliness, and fortitude, not to mention the seeming ease with which she kept numerous plates spinning.

“She was a woman in a million,” said Aubrey, who met Nessie on a blind date. It was love at first sight and they began a long-distance relationship, moving between Cape Town, Johannesburg, and Pretoria.

“Nessie had a toughness to her, for sure, but she had a sweetness too,” recalled Aubrey, who characterized his wife of 60 years as an eshet chayil (woman of valour) and a Yiddishe mama.

“She was a force,” agrees Nessie’s former colleague and friend, Rhona Shore, CEO at the Paperny Family JCC.

It was not long before Nessie was tackling increased responsibilities at the JCC. She is perhaps most fondly remembered for the role she played as coordinator of seniors’ programs.

The kitchen where the seniors’ challah-baking program flourished on Nessie’s watch was dedicated to her memory in September of 2025, citing the gift of her “…20 beautiful years of challah making and baking.”

“Her hands shaped more than just dough – they shaped tradition, connection, and love,” the plaque goes on to say.

Nessie elevated and professionalized the weekly ritual that saw seniors baking and selling delicious challah to countless community members, a labour of love that continues to this day.

“She was phenomenal, a pleasure to work with because she was such a team player,” remembers Shore, who praised Nessie’s no-nonsense approach and how she “inspired people to act.”

Always positive and energetic, there was not much that could stop Nessie in her tracks, but her world was turned upside down with the sudden and untimely passing of the Hollanders’ beloved son Joel in 2016.

“He was her rock,” recalls Aubrey of the terrible loss. “They were extremely close.”

“Nessie was overwhelmed with such grief,” said Shore. “I didn’t know if she was ever going to be okay again. To some degree, she probably never was, but she had a strength about her that was incredible.”

Nessie dug deep to continue being a reservoir of strength for her family and her JCC family, especially the seniors she so loved serving.

Few would have known it from her, but Hollander struggled with chronic emphysema and, toward the end of her life, a lung cancer diagnosis. About a year prior to her passing, she was stricken with COVID-19 and then weakened by long COVID.

The knock-out punches were the flu and pneumonia.

Although her health had been failing, the news of her passing came as a shock to so many in the community. It was, after all, hard to imagine that a person blessed with Nessie’s vitality could possibly die.

“You know, the last year of her working here, we could see that there was a real decline in her health, but she refused to talk about it or accept it,” Shore said, adding that as depleted as Nessie was, she worried more about the people around her than herself.

It was hoped that Nessie’s successor at the JCC, Jackie Herman, would have the opportunity to work alongside Nessie for a few months as the baton was passed.

Sadly, it proved impossible, though Nessie came through for her seniors, welcoming Herman at her home and sharing her wisdom with her.

Shore was delighted when Nessie gave Herman her stamp of approval with the gracious words, “I feel good about this.”

Instead of the retirement party they had planned for Nessie, her JCC family hosted the meal of consolation following her funeral.

“This was her home,” said Shore, “so this is what we did for her.”

Nessie’s spirit still guides those who worked shoulder to shoulder with her at the JCC. Shore told AJNews that when her staff were setting up for the annual sports dinner, the words “What would Nessie do?” were on everyone’s lips.

We got the job done, said Shore, who gave her staff the ultimate compliment: Nessie would have been proud.”

She would have also been proud of someone even closer to home, her daughter Shelly, who was appointed principal by the board of The Calgary Jewish Academy shortly after Nessie’s passing.

“Nessie would have been on cloud nine,” said Aubrey Hollander, adding, “I cannot begin to express the pride I have in my daughter. She is like Nessie, through and through.”

“Family is important,” says Shelly Gelfand. It was the number one driving factor for my mom.”

“It shows in the little things, like the texts she sent the family when someone’s birthday was coming up,” Shelly recalled.

“And then, she was gone. We missed someone’s birthday, and we were like, oh my God, mom’s not here to do that anymore. Everyone’s going to have to step up.”

In the blink of an eye, Shelly – who bears a strong resemblance to her mom – became her family’s matriarch while simultaneously stepping up to care for a couple of hundred Jewish kids in loco parentis.

A veteran Calgary Board of Education teacher and administrator with 36 – double chai – years of experience under her belt, Shelly was the ideal choice for CJA, a school that was at a crossroads, says former school chair Michelle Jacobson.

“It meant a lot to us to have someone in the community come back to us,” said Jacobson, who values the calming influence Shelly has brought to the school.

“It was a year of rebuilding…and she really set the foundation in place that we need to grow our school and bring it to the next level,” added Jacobson. “We’re really lucky to have her.”

“I won’t lie. It’s been a challenging year,” said Shelly, reflecting on her first school year at CJA.

At the same time, she exudes optimism for the future of the school.

“We are on a path forward, and we are making positive changes,” said Shelly. “We want [CJA] to thrive and to flourish. Everybody needs to be part of that story.”

What made Shelly follow in her mother’s footsteps by embracing a Jewish leadership role?

“Part of the decision was a little bit of a push from my children, to be honest,” said Shelly, adding that her daughter Jennifer and son Ayden told her, “Mom, wouldn’t that just be amazing if you could spend the last few years of your career in the school that we went to and the school that you went to, and make a positive impact there?”

She may have had a little nudge, but the idea was there in the back of Shelly’s mind. During her career with the Calgary Board of Education, she devoted six years to creating cultural change at a school that became more welcoming, positive, and inclusive due, in large part, to her efforts.

Shelly has happy memories of her own time at what was then known as the Calgary Hebrew School. Close to 10 years of age when her family settled in Calgary, she forged friendships at the Hebrew School that continue to this day.

Other community affiliations that made her who she is include her time as a counsellor at Camp B’nai Brith (now Camp BB Riback) and her leadership in BBYO (B’nai Brith Youth Organization) in Calgary and beyond.

Last August, on the final preparation day prior to the beginning of the 2025-2026 school year, Shelly brought her CJA staff together to learn about Shabbat. One of her primary goals was to give non-Jewish staff insight into some of the beautiful and time-honoured traditions.

“I explained to the staff my connection to the challah, how my mom took that role in the Jewish community, baking with the seniors,” Shelly said.

Quite a few staff members later approached her individually to share their memories of Nessie, some of them surprised and delighted to learn that she was Shelly’s mother.

“She was my first point of contact when I came here from Israel,” said one.

“She was the first person that I spoke to at the Jewish Centre, and she always was so warm,” said another.

Acknowledging the still-raw loss Shelly had endured, staff members made this promise to her:

“We’ll take care of you. Don’t be worried, we’ve got your back.”

The support, of course, works both ways. Shelly cannot say enough good things about the educators, administrative and support staff with whom she feels fortunate to work shoulder to shoulder.

“I love the staff here. They are phenomenal…. You can see the passion that they bring to the school…how much they care for the kids.”

Amid the challenges of a transformation in the making, Shelly speaks movingly about the joys that have risen to the surface thus far.

“I love the kids. They keep you young, laughing and energized,” she says.

Speaking of kids, Shelly is justifiably proud of her son Ayden, who previously worked as a financial analyst and is poised to begin law school this fall, and her daughter Jennifer, who earned her medical degree at the University of Alberta and is set to begin the fifth and final year of her residency in obstetrics.

Like her granny and her mother, Jennifer Gelfand speaks passionately about her own desire to give back to the community that helped raised her. It is her hope that she and her partner Reid will eventually settle down in Calgary, home to both their families.

Currently focused on interviews for a post-residency fellowship, Jennifer says that she speaks about her granny when asked about the mentors that have most influenced her.

“My granny and I…always had such a special relationship,” Jennifer told AJNews.

“She never treated me like a child…she always treated me as a young woman,” added Jennifer, who, while growing up, enjoyed her Shabbat ritual with granny… breakfast at Zellers.

“Although she was my granny, I always saw her as a friend and confidante…. I always felt like she was my biggest supporter. She was such a cheerleader, believing in me and my abilities.”

Jennifer says that her mother’s appointment as CJA principal “…would have been, honestly, one of the highlights of granny’s life…seeing my mom give back to the community the way my granny dedicated her life to the community and seeing my mom’s career come full circle in a really serendipitous way.”

The leadership skills of her granny and her mom are a beacon to Jennifer Gelfand, who looks forward with confidence to a fellowship in high-risk obstetrics.

She is keeping her fingers crossed that she will match in Calgary, where she one day hopes to raise children that find security and happiness in the shelter and support of family and community, as she has.

Jennifer says she always felt she took after her dad, Russell Gelfand, “very laid back and going with the flow.” But as she has grown into adulthood, she believes that she increasingly emulates her mother and granny.

“I definitely find myself more and more taking after them as I find my own professional voice,” says Jennifer, who adds that she is also blessed with wonderful female mentors in medicine.

She attributes much of her success to the support she has always had from her family, including paternal grandparents Micky and Ricki Gelfand. Ricki, a proud Jewish woman who forged her own successful career as an educator in Montreal and then Calgary, is also an important role model.

Jennifer adds that her early education at CJA was salutary in many ways.

“It is really important to understand our history…to take pride in our Jewish heritage,” says Jennifer, things she feels she would have missed had she not attended Jewish day school.

Among other formative experiences in the Jewish community, Jennifer spent summers at Camp BB and was a leader in the BBYO movement, following in her mother’s footsteps as a president of the Zahav chapter.

After her undergraduate years at Western, in London, Ontario, Jennifer earned a master’s degree in public health at the University of Haifa in 2017.

She loved her time there, and Israel is never far from her thoughts.

“It’s the best place in the world,” Jennifer said.

Dr. Jennifer Gelfand knows that she has inherited a precious treasure and she plans to pay it forward, like her granny and mother before her.

Her words of wisdom to other Jewish women are, thus, a chorus in three-part harmony:

“Be proud of being a Jewish woman, give back to your community, and exemplify in everyday life the values that our culture and religion teach.”

Maxine Fischbein is a Local Journalism Initiative Reporter.